Now that my applications are complete, the waiting begins. This means that every couple of days I go to the university websites and check my application status. Without fail, the messages variations of “Application Under Review.”
There are mixed emotions when I read that my application status is pending. First, for a brief moment, I am disappointed but that feeling quickly changes to relief. Unlike my generation, I was taught the age-old saying, “No news is good news!” Therefore, I am relieved that a decision has not been rendered. A part of me fears opening an e-mail that reads, in the most polite manner, “not accepted.”
It would not be the end-of-the-world if I did not get accepted into any of the schools or programs. In fact, the sun would still rise and set and life would go on as it always does. My self-esteem in not contingent upon a PhD and I will find other ways to continue learning. Although I would be disappointed, I understand that when something is on our hearts it is for a reason and though it may be logical to act upon it–sometimes God’s timing is not “right now.” God showed me this in undergraduate school.
I attended a private university after one year at community college. It was way out of my price range but I knew that I was called there. It was more than I hoped for in a college. But after a year my family moved out of the state and I moved with them. Perplexed at the idea of going to college somewhere else, I made a number of failed attempts to return. I had left my boyfriend (now husband) and had to attend college elsewhere. It wasn’t until three years later that I made it back to the university, as an employee–and now a professor. God called me there and His timing was perfect.
Waiting is not easy and rejection can be difficult but in the end I want to be in the right place, in God’s time.
Don’t be discouraged when you are not getting the answers you are searching for. Instead, have faith that God’s timing is the best. In the meantime, apply for that job, school, scholarship, etc. do the hard work but be flexible when plans change and don’t give up on your calling–you never know when God is going to answer.